In Search of Light - a blog about looking for the good in a rapidly changing world

Hello everyone, (this means you, Aly )

for a while now I’ve been thinking about what I want to do with this place and where I want to take it. While its initial purpose was enough for me, I find myself taking distance from writing here and have trouble being consistent in what I like to do here.

So untill I figure out what to do (maybe I’ll re-arrange this place so it is only about my walk with God) I am temporarily putting a halt on my writing.

When I’m done thinking, I think it will be obvious when I return to writing You might see some changes here.

Untill then, take care

The following photographs are my latest uploads on Triii-Ray:

A Forest Cliché

To Bare Fire

I just realized I haven’t been talking about my new found love! Allow me to correct this.

So I’ve been dating this girl for a while now. I met her through a Christian dating site, back in October 2009.
I signed up just for the heck of it, but never really expected to find someone, let alone find someone good for me.

Ever since our first chat we’ve been building on what has become this amazing, honest, sweet and meaningful relationship. We never really had a dull moment, and we’ve been seeing each other every week since our first actual meeting (we don’t live in the same city).

We’re getting close to our 3 month anniversary now, which will be on the 4th of February!

I honestly never expected to find love again, but I did, and I thank God for bringing us both together! Yes, I really do believe He did that

I’m tidy. I like to keep things in order. Untill a short while ago, I would actually be paralyzed if I did not have an organized environment around me.

While there is nothing wrong with wanting to keep your surroundings neat, there is such a thing as taking it too far. I think there is definitely something obsessive in there with me, and there are occasions when it just drives me nuts.

Right now, my room is in a state of slight disorder. I wish to clean up, but then my perfectionist nature kicks in. When it does, I want to clean EVERYTHING. Not just the room, but everything else that could use organizing; like my things in the storage area behind my walls, or heck, even computer files. But the annoying thing is that, it can never be done. You can never have that complete control, and you can never have, or keep things 100% tidy.
There is always something that falls into the category “cannot be categorized”, and you’re just left with random things.

I can’t even get myself to manage my computer files. I’ve been meaning to create a backup of all my important files on this separate harddrive, but I just can’t get it done. It’s just too much to organize, and in addition to being a neat freak, and a perfectionist, I also have tendencies to procrastinate on things or leave something alone and surround it with fear. Yay for me…

I came to the realisation that it just can’t be done a while ago, when I was actually trying to organize these marbles I have left from my childhood. It was very confronting, because I could see how I was frozen when I couldn’t organize anymore.
I hate that feeling. But also how I cannot do anything else as long as things are not organized.
I seem to be over that last things nowadays, and I can function just fine with a little mess around me.
But still, once in a while, that feeling creeps up, telling me to get things organized.

It’s probably better to have a simpler life, and being able to keep track of things.

Will I ever find the balance?

It’s about that time again…I’ve had my time of rest and now things are already starting to pile up. It’s taking up a lot of energy too.

I’m trying to get some information out of my collegue on this room I may be able to rent in the city where I work, apply for supplemental funding, while doing my job as PR person for the youth church organisation I’m in. In addition I have my regular job and all sorts of activities that are actually made to bring me joy.

I’m starting to see that my schedule isn’t so fantastic for my condition as I would have thought. I am still doing too much, and I don’t get to rest enough in between. It’s quite frustrating, because I actually want to do things, but the energy just isn’t there.

I don’t want to have to need a week off, everytime things get busy, unless of course that is the reality of my condition (ME/CFS).
I’m feeling pretty mellow at this moment, but I am late for work…AGAIN, and I haven’t even eaten yet.
My best friend called me on the phone last night as I was asleep ( u_u; ) and so my sleep was disturbed. At that moment I felt physically weird though. It felt like my feet were getting way warm, and my head felt…odd, I can’t quite describe it. In addition I felt a little dried out, which is not uncommon for me. I just didn’t expect these “symptoms” to appear so quickly into  my sleep (it was only 00:15, and I must not have been in bed longen than 45 minutes).

My condition is getting weirder and weirder, but it is still the question whether or not this is ME/CFS (to me anyway). I want to go in for one last test, before I’ll accept my condition for what they think it is. But because things are piling up, I have no choice but to push that a little further away untill I can actually schedule an appointment again.

On the upside, I am getting to know this really nice girl, who, for a change, is actually from the same country as I am We’re still getting to know eachother through email/chat, but I am going to call her on the phone today. Our plan was to speak on the phone first, before meeting in person.

I have a really good feeling about this girl, and I’m curious how the two of us are together

Now…time for breakfast and then work…ugh